it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I smell stomach acid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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