so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize