xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
