I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
