Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
