Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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