Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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