i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
