Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize