that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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