Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
