I swear she didn't look like that last week.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
