We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize