I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
