youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
