I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
