made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
