$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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