Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
