I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize