I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Randomize
