This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
