She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
