If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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