now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
