Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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