I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
