I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize