I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
