i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
