She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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