y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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