This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize