Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
