i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Randomize
