My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
