so explain again why im purple
no
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize