'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize