i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
