Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want her autograph on my taint
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
