doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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