1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's get the cat blown out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
