I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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