Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
