I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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