I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
