Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
