Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
