Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
