Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cut my penus on the lid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
