So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
