hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
