I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
