I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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