Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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