That's intense
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
