Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
