Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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