I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
