She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
did you just send me my own nude
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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