Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
