the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
