He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
