Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
