What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
