I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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