what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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