I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
