i jhust puked up my retainher.
just tell him i said nine months
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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