Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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