i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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