Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
