I think i peed on brittanys purse
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize