she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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