haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
