Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
