i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
