cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
