It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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