I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
