Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
