At least make sure they are 18
Why
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
