Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
