We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize