don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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