im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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