I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
