Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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