One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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