Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize