i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are we still banned from the library?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
