hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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