there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
