So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
