whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
whose ass print is on the piano?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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