where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize