Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
