why do cheetos always look like penises
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
