the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
