if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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