Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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