Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
