Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize