I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
only if we run a train.
done.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
