Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
