i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
