I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
