the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
