I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
