He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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