Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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