She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
