Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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